“Deep in the meadow, hidden far away
A cloak of leaves, a moonbeam ray
Forget your woes and let your troubles lay
And when it's morning again, they'll wash away
Here it's safe, here it's warm
Here the daisies guard you from every harm
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true
Here is the place where I love you.”
Dull and damp and dark and cold….that's the weather. That's how I am
trying NOT to feel! Thank Baby J for out newly purchased treadmill or I
wouldn't be getting any sort of exercise at all! I am the worst this time
of year; really having to fight hard to stay 'mentally healthy'. Too much
time on my hands to stay inside and think…there isn’t enough yarn or pages
in a book to keep my head from spinning with thoughts this time of year. You
know...the woe is me thoughts.....those stupid thoughts that have time to
sneak up on you when you have time to let them....yep. Those. I am trying
really hard to keep them at bay. Consider the fact that when you smile, even
if you don't feel like it, the act of smiling actually makes you feel
better; like you are smiling for a reason. I need to keep busy with new and
exciting knitting projects, books that are total page turners and time with
friends and family. That's what I need to do. I need to make myself feel
happy and be happy and do happy things in order to Really be HAPPY!
Soon enough it's going to be SPRING! Fresh air, flowers and running OUTSIDE!
I can't wait!! We have so many plans for the summer and we are sure to be
travelling here and there for Shaun's shows on the weekends! I have big
plans for some shawl wearing when we're in Quebec. I started my shawl with that
trip in mind; thinking it would be the perfect place to show it off on cool Summer nights while sipping wine at Shaun's gigs!
As I said yesterday, my newest knitting project is the Holding Hands Baby
Blanket. I have so many lady friends who are expecting little tiny's this
Spring and Summer! I have to get my baby-knit on!! I won't know how long the
Holding Hands Baby Blanket is going to take me until I get the first one
finsihed; which needs to be by May; so I am hoping I can manage that! I think
it's such a lovely blanket that I'll master it and make it for all the new
Speaking of Babies -- We had one of our little nephews this past weekend for
a sleep over. We're not ready for a baby. I don't really need to say
more...but I will.
Growing up, I was never one of those little girls that had any sort of
vision for her wedding day, I didn't dream of my dress or even the guy who
might be my husband. I didn't have a set # of children I'd like to have, I
didn't even really want them at all. I just wasn't that girl. I'm still not
that girl. Don't get me wrong, I met the guy and he became my husband, but
he's nothing my imagination could have mustered up...he's much, much more. We
got married and it was the best, most perfect day of my life.
Now..we're just doing our thing. We're young, in love and function
incredibly as a couple in our marriage; but we are still too separate to become one
[aka: make a little tiny] before we've found ourselves. I have no idea who I
want to be when I grow up and my husband is working so hard on making a
career out of his passion [with my whole heart and self supporting him along
the way] that it's just not something that we need or want right now. We
can't raise a little tiny person to become someone when we've yet to become
someone [an individual with true passions, talents and love for our own
independence] ourselves. It's really hard to not feel the pressure when
everyone around you is having babies and talk, talk, talking babies. It's as
if my mind is trying to convince myself that it’s time, it's ok, we're ready,
it's what we're supposed to do, it's part of the timeline - get engaged, get
a Puppy, get married, buy a house, pop out some babies! That's what you do.
BUT - I DON'T want to! Maybe not ever. And you know what? That's OK! That’s
totally ok with ME. And HIM too!
For those of you that are reading this thinking...I remember that talk
Natasha and I had about babies…the one where she said, maybe in a year or
so. Well…that was me going through one of those societal driven phases
where I nearly convinced myself that's what I wanted. I didn't. I don't. I'm
not ready. We're not ready.
That felt...Really. Good.
I suppose I could just keep ranting, since it feels so amazing! There's
something else I need to address. I have a real f*%#ing Potty Mouth and I
need to fix that!! I should add it to my list of goals, because it's getting
ridiculous! I can't even say one sentence without inserting the word F*%#.
Happy, sad, angry, excited, stressed, mellow, relaxed...it's all the F*%#ing
same! So...here's to me trying to fix that. It's not ladylike, it's not
pretty, it's not nice, it's NOT NECESSARY!
This post was much longer than I had expected it to be. Enjoy ;o
Oh wait - The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins!!!!! Oh my goodness. What an awesome read. I can't put it down!! I am halfway through the first book and I am so glad there are
2 more because I can't imagine the story ending! We picked up the hardcover box
set at Costco on Friday night. I made a deal with my hubby that he could
start it first even though I was dying to get my hands on it. I secretly picked it up last
night and OMG!!! We are trying very hard not to hurt each other over who gets to read
it when. AKA - I am trying to be very sneaky with my reading time to make
sure that I finish it first so I can start the second one first! He's too
slow! So...really, you should just get this book and READ it asap!